The Hobbit...

So as you know I am a big nerdy git!  I like all the Star Wars stuff blah blah blah...I'm also very fond of Lord of the Rings and can't wait for the Hobbit to be made.  I have the occasional peak around the net to see what the latest rumours are and stunbled across and website full of joke rumours that just killed me.  I would actually like these to be true just to see such a movie.  Here are a few of the best rumours for anyone who likes Tolkien:

1. The 13 dwarves from the book will be changed to the much more popular and easier to remember 7 dwarves.  In an effort to embrace diversity the group of dwarves will consist of a fat one, a smart one, an asian one, a black one, a stupid one, an irritable one and a girl.  The black one dies at the hands of the trolls in the first 30 minutes.

2. Ron Perlman, contrary to the rumors, will not play Beorn.  He will play the female dwarf Oina who will serve as the love interest to Bilbo.  This casting decision made more sense when it was leaked that Oina will be bearded as per Tolkien’s original conception of Dwarven women.

3. Bilbo will be represented as a teenage hobbit who must return from his quest before the weekend is over and his parents get back from their vacation.  Casting has narrowed possible actors for the role down to Robert Pattinson or Shia Labeouf.  Principal photography will commence on the  ”cleaning montage” scene soon after.

4. Incorporating technology used in the film Little Man, Orlando Bloom will be transformed into “baby Legolas” and will help Bilbo and the 7 dwarves escape imprisonment at the hands of his father’s Wood Elves through a variety of wacky homemade traps.

5. After the popularity of “black-bot” in Transformers, Smaug will be portrayed as a jive talking dragon who wishes a motherfucker would try to steal his treasure.  Casting has narrowed possible voice actors for the role down to Chris Tucker or Robert Downey Jr.

6. The Battle of Five Armies will become the Battle of Ten Armies featuring Elves, Dwarves, Humans, Eagles and Unicorns vs Goblins, Spiders, Balrogs, Nazgul and Dementors.  It will take up the final 90 minutes of the movie.

7. As a nod to the newly popular (post Harry Potter) “gay wizard” archetype, an unrated European version will be released with an extended furry sex scene between Gandalf and Beorn in his bear form.  In an effort to make sure it is tastefully done the studio has contacted Zack Snyder, director of 300 and Watchmen to direct the scene.

Obviously I cannot take credit for this list!  For the original website click here.

All too true...

Devil's Gonna Get Ya...

The Standing Stone just reached 666 hits.

What does the number 668 mean?  - - - - - - - Neighbour of the Beast.

The Holiday...

I haven't really been blogging as much as I would like recently, mainly because of the my other blog, The Standing Stone which requires a lot of off computer work as well.  Also I was on holiday for the last week of October in England.  We went over to see the family and to have a bit of a break.  Here are some boring old holiday snaps.

My sister lives in Newbury in Berkshire, so her boyfriend and my nephews took me to see Calleva Roman town, near Silchester. All that is left are the town walls and the amphitheatre. They know the street layout from archaeology and may uncover these to the public at some point but for now it is a big field but the walls are worth the visit.  The two main gates to the town also survive to a large extent.

 

Fantastic amphitheatre. 

My nephews acting the arse.

We went so see Reading vs. Leicester one night.  Reading lost 1-0 but my nephew and his soccer team were taking penalties at half time.

My nephew just about to score.

This lion tried to touch me.

Great timing or what!

Next came by brother and we did what we always do...stand in a field looking at big stones.  And they don't come much bigger than Avebury.  If you are not familiar with Avebury it tha world's largest standing stone circle.  There are in fact three - two inside a large one.  Some of the stones are over 4m high.  The circle is so big that a road goes through and a village with a church and pub is built in the middle of it.  Forget Stonehenge this is the place to see if you are in that area. 

 

 

Next on the agenda was Silbury hill...Europe's biggest man made mound and dates back to the Bronze Age.  Nobody is really sure what it was for.

The view from West Kennett long barrow.

West Kennett long barrow is one ofmy favourite spots to visit in England.  It is opposite Silbury and only a mile away from Avebury.  It's a bit of a trek to get up there but more than worth it.  They have recently made access easier by removing all the fences so you can roam the fields up to it rather than having to go up the narrow and muddy path.  Unlike Ireland, where the whole Catholic thing still dominates, England has its fair share of pagans and neo-Druids (or as I like to call them, 'look at me look at me, I'm a pagan').  About 10 years ago my brother took me up to West Kennett at night time which was great and on the way up we ran into a bunch of druids on their way down with horns strapped to their heads...odd.  Anyway...great place to visit.

Best picture I have ever taken.

 

Inside the chamber.

 

The next day we trekked into Oxfordshire and went to the newly reconstructed Stanton Harcourt stone circle which sits in the unusual location at the edge of a rubbish dump.  Luckily they have come to their senses and have started to cover over the nearby dump, returning the landscape to a more natural look.  Only one stone was left in it's original location but at least 7 more have been unearthed and put back.  The rest of the stone circle has been reconstructed with stones of the same type and roughly the same size judging from the excavated holes.

A local man told us that the circle is all a fake and the real stones were buried by the military during World War 2 under the air field they built and that some locals remember the circle which was nothing like the reconstruction. Unfortunately his little story does not tie up with history.  Pictures survive from before WW2 and there was only one stone then...how old are these locals!  Nice try Dan Brown.

The Rollrights.  This is stone circle not far from Stanton Harcourt and is completely in tact.  This is very much more Irish style circle (smaller stones, closer together) and looks very very old!  There is a legend that the stones move when you have your back turned and that no matter how many times you count the stones you will never get the same number twice.  My counts came in at 73, 71 and 62.

 

 

A collapsed dolmen nearby.  I don't like the fencing.

Another nearby stone.  Again with the fencing.

Back in the car and we were off to Belas Knap which is a long barrow with no large entrance stones like West Kennett and an inversed entrance.  The main entrance is also fake...which is a rare rare feature in long barrows (we don't have long barrows in Ireland...only round ones like Newgrange).

The fake entrance.

From the East.

We did some archery the next day...my brother's girlfriend runs a company that does archery and I love it so we spent an afternoon doing that...my arms now hurt. That's my brother by the way.

Not bad for my first attempt.

Down to Wiltshire to visit my aunt and we went to the Roman baths in Bath.  I can't believe that I lived half an hour away for 13 years and never went to them.  They are spectacular and well worth the visit.

Spot the ghost.

We also went to the nearby abbey.

Beautiful ceiling.

This window was so big I stuggled to get it into the one shot!

So that was my English holiday.  A great week and such a full week...I needed two days to relax after it!  I don't do relaxing holidays...they usually involve some serious walking and climbing.  I don't see the point of a relaxing holiday...I can do that at home!

Happy Burn the Catholic Day...

Bad day at the office...

Nearly €200,000 destoyed in 5 seconds...

Autumn beasts in the trees...

I have an over active imagination, over active sense of paranoia and am generally easy to offend (part of the paranoia).  The side effect of this is that I can get a little carried away with myself.  This happened last night.  It was around 10pm and I decided to take a little stroll in the dark of the garden which I like to do on a star lit evening.  Now, we live in the middle of nowhere.  There are no other buildings in sight and there are no street lights so the moon was my light.  I was halfway across the lawn when I heard a russle in the trees ahead of me.  Mmm...out here it could be anything from a cat to a deer.  I went back in the house to get a torch because I wanted to see what it was.  I like the way animal eyes reflect in the darkness and around this time of year I with the leaves falling the chill in the air I find it particularly spooky.  I love Halloween and love to be scared and will do it to myself.  Anyway I got the the torch and peered into the trees to find the source of the rustle.  The rustle continued but I couldn't see anything.  Then in the trees to the left of me I heard a noise.  Nothing!  Then to the right of me.  Nothing!  Then it started all around me.  I could hear things moving in the trees.  Some high up and some low down.  I started to get a little freaked out.  What on earth could be making these noises.  Was it a pack of something perhaps?  I really sounded like a group of animals slowly hunting me down.  I went around to the other side of the garden to look there and studied a tree that was making the same noises and I finally spotted what was happening.  It was merely the leaves falling from the trees making noises as they fell and hit branches on the way down.  In the silence of the evening it sounded much loader than it probably was.  So, yes I became scared by the leaves in the trees...and I did it to myself...I love Halloween.