It's All Random...Mostly

Priest...

2012-01-14T09:23:00.000Z

Oh Paul it just keeps getting worse doesn't it? First Legion and now this. Well, Legion may have just been a pot-boiler but it was, at least, entertaining. This, however, is the pits. Based on Japanese graphic novel, this does have an interesting concept. After centuries of war against vampires (think crawling monsters more than Twilight) people have retreated into huge walled cities after placing the vampires into reservations. Man is now ruled by the Church who have total power and defeated the vampires with their priests who are now super fighting machines. These priests are now without purpose and forgotten by the Church. It basically feels like a Church run 1984 with digital confessions and constant propaganda announcements over the loudspeakers. Meanwhile, the vampires are re-emerging under the leadership of a now half-vampire and super-powerful former priest and former friend of the priest played by Paul Bettany. Bettany goes against the Church and decided to hunt these vampires down in order to save his daughter from his pre-priest life. However, it's just not very good. Bad acting, rushed story. The priest sets out on thus mission before we even know about the character and you just end up not really caring. Karl Urban's over the top acting is really the only entertaining thing in this movie. It felt like a pilot for a tv series more than anything. This is one to stay away from.

Simon's Cat...

2012-01-13T09:12:00.002Z

Image via Wikipedia

I don't know what is so endearing about this little cartoon but I always look forward to the next Simon's Cat cartoon and book. I think it's probably one of those things that only cat people appreciate. There hasn't been a period in my life when I haven't been living with a cat...just when you think you're nearly done with them, another shows up. When I was a child we had seven around the place. About 10 years ago our family helped a feral cat and her two kittens and now we have two more in the homeplace and myself and Giolacha have two ourselves. I think what Simon's Cat does is to take all those bits about cats that we love (or hate) and put them into one little cartoon. I find myself laughing at the cartoons mainly because there is a lot of truth in them. Cats can be a pain but it's worth any annoyance because of all the fun. Recently, Giolacha bought a laser for the cats and I have hours of fun shining it on the floor and getting them to chase it. This amuses me greatly as we have wooden, polished floors and the slide all over the place and never seem to tire of that...

Extremoduro...

2012-01-08T15:06:00.000Z

Recently I have started listening to a Spanish rock band called Extremoduro. Giolacha was kind enough to get me a couple of CD's of theirs for Christmas and I've been hooked since. They've been around since the late 80's and remind me, in their organisation, of Guns 'n Roses in that there is one main guy, Roberto Iniesta who controls everything and fires and hires as he sees fit. Therefore, there is a lack of consistency in their sound...this is coupled with heroin addiction in the band. They can't seem to decide what kind of band they are and they waver from thrash metal, to plain rock to power ballads. However, I like a bit of variety and these are a great addition to my music library. As my Spanish improves I can understand more and more of their lyrics (mainly what Giolacha tells me) and the lyrics have that gritty and real nature that defines bands such as The Jam and the Sex Pistols. Here's a flavour...

Legion (2010)...

2012-01-08T12:18:00.001Z

Oh Paul Bettany what is happening to you? You had such promise, you were such a great actor and anybody could have seen Oscars in your future...but now? I don't think so. It's all gone horribly horribly wrong for poor Paul. The last good film he had was Darwin in 2009 and from there it all fell apart and he is now staring in low budget horror films...basically these are pot boilers. Saying this, I enjoyed the film...I was just surprised to find Paul Bettany in it. As horrors go this is quite entertaining and I like the idea. God has grown bored of man (again...he's so fickle!) and decided to exterminate us again. First it was a flood and now angels are being sent to slaughter us by possessing the weak and killing the strong. The Archangel Michael, however, has other plans. Michael turns renegade and goes against God's orders and decides to defend mankind believing that we can be saved. He focusses his attention on a small diner in the middle the desert and young 8 months pregnant woman. This child, if born and allowed to grow up, will be the saviour of mankind. The plot is basically the Herod story crossed with the Terminator. Add to this the standard horror motif of a bunch of different people thrown together and barricaded in a small place and you basically have it. There's plenty of horrible possesses people and angels with big metal wings. Predicable but entertaining. There's a good supporting cast as well with Dennis Quaid and Charles S. Dutton. Worth a watch...

Here's the trailer...

The End of 2011...

2011-12-31T00:14:00.000Z

Hey folks...well...2011 hasn't been a productive year for me online but a very productive year offline. I've got engaged, going to be a dad to a little boy and have become Dr. Shape. If 2012 is half as good then it will be a good year overall.

So, Happy New Year to you all (if anyone still looks in from time to time). I'm not going to make empty promises this time about blogging more. My heart hasn't been in it and I've had a lot going on. So I will post when I have something worth saying and I hope you will still check in and have a look. Hopefully my online life will pick up. See you in 2012...

Child of Shape...

2011-10-17T20:14:00.003+01:00

Well we are expecting our first child. This scan was taken today at roughly 14 and half weeks...

Exciting times...

Why George, Why?

2011-09-15T09:56:00.001+01:00

If you go to George Lucas' house and listen carefully you will hear the scraping of barrels. Yet again, another edition of Star Wars hits the market and George Lucas tries to maintain the façade that he is still creative. But Lucas' creativity ended in 2005 with the release of 'Revenge of the Sith.' Now, there are some directors with very little credits to their name and that doesn't mean they are not creative. James Cameron for example has only directed 4 feature movies in 20 years, but he just takes his time and gets the job done. Considering three of these are some of the most successful films of all time (Terminator 2, Titanic and Avatar) he can hardly be accused of not being creative. George Lucas is a different kettle of fish however. Yes, he has created the Star Wars universe and I love it, he created Indiana Jones and he even wrote Willow but I think, like many others, that he has become stagnant. The Star Wars prequels did not live up to their predecessors and neither did the Indiana Jones sequel. However, these were never going to meet expectations and now that the hype has died down and I watch them again I can see that they are not bad movies, but they do lack in the heart of the originals. Yet, where Lucas' stagnation becomes apparent is in his never ending tweaking of the Star Wars saga. When will it ever end. Some changes are ok and I welcome them. In general the 1997 Special Edition was a good thing. The original films were cleaned up, Darth Vader looked black again and the Death Star exploded in a way a space station (that's no moon!) should explode. However, the signs were there that Lucas had little regard for the tone of the original films and was lightening some of darkness that was originally there. The mos craven of these, according to Star Wars fans, was making Greedo shoot first. Now, I probably would never have spotted this unless I read about it but Star Wars fans hate this one. In the original film, when the bounty hunter corners Han Solo in the Mos Eisley Cantia, where Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes play their never ending instrumental, Han Solo kills Greedo in cold blood. However, in the Special Edition, Greedo shoots first and Han fires in self defence making him less of a bad ass and more of a morally acceptable character...so much for Han being part of that "wretched hive of scum and villainy." Witness...

The one that really bothers me though is the new song in Return of the Jedi. The original was a largely unobtrusive song called 'Lapti Nek.'

However, in the Special Ed. we get 'Jedi Rocks,' a full on blues band with CGI monstrosities who teach us that Jabba is cool too...

Max Rebo would be turning in his grave...However, I could live with these changes. Most were little CGI enhancements and they were quite good. Then came the DVD Special Ed. Ok, watching it, nothing major, better lightsabers, more x-wings...I can live with that. Wait...is that Hayden Christensen at the end of Return of the Jedi! Surely not. Yes...it is...

The best thing about watching the originals is that the horribleness of Hayden Christensen's acting isn't there...but now we get a shy and embarrassed looking Anakin Skywalker.Now we move the to 2011 Blu Ray editions and George Lucas has done it again. While there are many changes, there are only two that bother me. I don't care if Ewoks now blink or if Jabba's palace door is more intimidating. However, Obi-Wan's Krayt Dragon scream has been changed...for the worse...

Now it sound like a man who has his testicles trapped in a door and he can't decide whether he likes it or not. But the worst is yet to come. In the final scene of the Emperor when Darth Vader struggles silently about whether to save his son or not he now utter a 'no' and then does another screaming 'noooooo' which was bad enough to watch in Revenge of the Sith...

I can only pray that these are fake and not the real deal. However, I do like the new CGI Yoda in The Phantom Menace.

Yet, returning to my original point, George Lucas is scraping the barrel. Every seven years we get a new edition with little cosmetic changes and a few howlers and George sits back and waits for the cash to roll in. With every new format comes a new Star Wars. VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray and next year we get 3D star wars...I can only imagine what changes he will make then...and I guess there will be the inevitable digital version as well. Meanwhile, Lucas rolls around on a bed of cash on the Skywalker Ranch falling back on his old and clichéd mantra of 'work is never finished, it is only abandoned,' and rest of us he would finally abandon it while some remnants of the original films we all knew and loved remain.

Earth Acupuncture...

2011-09-14T14:56:00.001+01:00

Definition: “A prescribed number [eg.10 (1+0=1); the rebirth of oneness, which symbolizes the birth of heaven] of spiritual alchemists, an earth needle, encircle a sacred vortex point on the electro-magnetic earth grid (energy meridian system), simultaneously with other alchemists (in sacred sets; 10) at other sacred sites, to induce earth acupuncture, a specific harmonic (eg.music to induce a prescribed vibration to facilitate anti-gravity; tibetan monks levitating stones) remedy for planet earth, through a specific point prescription, at a specific astrological time. To accomplish earth acupuncture, Spiritual alchemists become enlightened by being an open conduit through zero point activation at centroid to channel the infinite mystic potential; thus juxtaposing heaven and earth into one, returning their being to the source of creation.” Quote via http://earthacupuncture.info/ - No...I don't get it either!

Here’s another thing that I’ve recently discovered that can be added to the list of things that I consider to be bullshit! How I came across Earth Acupuncture is through the new fountain of all knowledge (replacing Wikipedia), Facebook! On Facebook I had mentioned that I’d been out to see some ancient tombs one weekend when I was quite bizarrely ‘corrected’ by someone. They are not tombs, this person assured me, but rather Earth Acupuncture. Hmmmm...I thought to myself, genuinely intrigued, what is this Earth Acupuncture of which you speak? I tried to enter into dialogue only to be again shot down with what was, to him, obvious logic. “Well,” he said, “you take the words ‘Earth’ and ‘acupuncture’ and put them together...it’s that simple.” Ok...simple...I’ve taken these words and put them together...does that mean you will be trying to insert the Earth into your body for acupuncture purposes, or maybe you didn’t mean to capitalise the ‘Earth’ and you meant that you will be rubbing earth into pressure points or something like that...or perhaps, and this is what he meant, you mean inserting needles into the planet. Well, intrigued as I was I pressed him for more information but the information was lacking and he didn’t seem to want me to question this. But surely it’s a tried and trusted scientific theory? Did Darwin not mention this? No, how about Newton? No. Hawking? No. Brainiac? No...hmmm...please please tell me more about this. No..

By this time others has started into the debate and someone quite rightly pointed out that acupuncture is for healing and ancient tombs were constructed long before we began to really feck with the planet so I’m sure they weren’t too worried about their carbon footprint. Another pointed out that yes, these are tombs, and there are bones and cremations in them! What do you say to that? Silence...alas he decided to end the debate as he was being ‘picked on.’ So, Earth Acupuncture faded in my mind until I was invited to attend a four weekend course in Earth Acupuncture. The best thing is that it will only cost me €500. Only €500! And that is with vegetarian food included! What an opportunity! Too good to be missed! On the first weekend (level 1) I will learn about energy at temples...great! I will be able to harness this energy and never have to buy batteries again! On the second weekend (level 2) we will learn how to use pendulums with subtle energy...wow...pendulums! A whole weekend just to learn how to swing a pendulum...I hope that’s enough time! On weekend 3 (level 3) we advance to balancing subtle energy in the home...finally I will know how to tidy up! Giolacha will be so happy with me. On the final weekend (level 4) we get to build a temple...we will be erecting a standing stone! I can’t fecking wait! Move over Al Gore...the world will be cured by stone! New sacred spaces will be created and all will be right with the world. Oooohhh...on second thoughts...it clashes with Doctor Who on the telly...might just stay home after all...

So remember folks...next time you are missing a sacred space and want to cleanse the world, just go into your garden and stand up a stone...I haven’t the time for that so every day I insert a barbeque skewer into the lawn...the cats fecking hate it! I also look for water every day with my dowsing rods but they always lead me to the kitchen tap...

Teamwork...

2011-09-13T15:19:00.002+01:00

A Little Respect...

2011-09-13T15:17:00.001+01:00

The Logical Fallacy of Religion...

2011-09-13T15:07:00.002+01:00

I am an atheist...there is no surprise in that. I’ve blogged about it before and will again. However, I’ve shied away from discussing religion as of late through sheer frustration. A few debates on Facebook (probably the worst place to try and debate anything) and I find myself less tolerant of religious view points. I am normally quite tolerant of religion. I do work as a biblical scholar after-all. If I wasn’t able to tolerate it I would have a hard time on a daily basis. In general I am still tolerant of the average church going Catholic in Ireland and religious people throughout the world. If people want to go to church and believe then that is fine with me and I hope it enhances their life and brings them happiness. Members of my family believe and I would never say anything against this and would defend their right to practice religion as I would anyone else. That’s all part of being free isn’t it? Well, lately I have run into a few opinions that have pushed me a little away from my usual indifference toward religion. The one that I’m concerned with here (there may be other posts about other things – I need time to organise my loosely collected thoughts) is that somehow atheism is illogical and we are somehow odd in our assertions. Firstly, there is this view that atheism is somehow a religion. This is not correct – it’s not even organised. I belong to no atheist group. I have no rituals. I have no catechism, dogma or creed. I just don’t have religion in my life. It’s not a set of religious beliefs; it’s the lack of one. Well, for a start, a total misunderstanding of atheism makes any further argument hard...it seems to me that people from this view point find it hard to even imagine a life with no religion and therefore have to make atheism a religion of sorts to be able to deal with it. Secondly, atheists decide not to believe because they only believe in the empirical. We only believe in what can be observed therefore chose to neglect God and the supernatural. Well, ok then, I admit...there is more to the world than what can be observed but that doesn’t mean I should fill in the gaps with the supernatural because I can’t explain everything. If I can’t explain something then it remains a mystery to me...I don’t jump the supernatural to explain it. Logical? The same argument can be made for any belief in the supernatural. If I hear footsteps in the hallway and nobody is there should I assume it’s a ghost...no. There are a plethora of other and more rational solutions to the problem. Assuming it to be ghost is to blatantly ignore logic, reason and the other, more likely, solutions available to me. The same goes for a belief in God (of course, I’m referring the style of belief where 7 day creation and other similar beliefs are still held to in the light of modern scientific discoveries). Thirdly, and this is where it gets weird, logic is somehow wrong and illogical! That’s right, somehow, not believing is illogical as I’m not opening my mind up to other possibilities. Now, I’m all for other possibilities and would allow for the possibility of a god if it was in any way logical. Put simply, there is no evidence for the existence of a deity, simply none whatsoever. It is not even a leap of faith to do so it is simply a leap in the dark – and there is nowhere to land. If that’s what opening my mind is then I could believe in anything I wanted; unicorns, the Easter bunny and non-Catholic Popes. To me, opening up my mind is believing in the possibility of life on other planets...possible yes, provable no...that’s a leap of faith. So basically by the logic of certain Christians played out above it is illogical to lose faith in Father Christmas. Yes, this is a tired and much clichéd way of putting it but I can’t think of a better way. Crude...but it gets the point across. Now we come to the crunch...to the point I’ve been trying to make all along. This religious view point rests on a logical fallacy - the fallacy that somehow belief in something that there is no evidence for whatsoever is absolutely logical and not believing in it is illogical. God has been places beyond reason, beyond the empirical and beyond observation so that any argument against the notion of God can be perceived as small minded, illogical and simply wrong. There is frankly no argument that can be made against the existence of a deity that can’t be answered by simply saying, ‘oh well, God is beyond human thinking.’ Now isn’t that a nice catchall.

Now, as I said before, I’m not against religion. By all means, go and practice and believe if you wish but at least think as well. Some do this, many religious people believe in evolution, the big bang and science...I’m not getting at them...their faith incorporates the logical and the empirical. However, a dwindling minority still cling to this illogical fallacy and continue to say we are all going to hell because we don’t believe... and they just terrify me.

Touch Me I'm Going to Scream, Part 2 by My Morning Jacket...

2011-09-13T14:13:00.001+01:00

Bad Girl...

2011-09-13T10:27:00.001+01:00

“Are you a bad girl? Well...are you? Are you a bad girl?”

The bus motored on through Dublin and I looked through the crowds trying to find the gruff and gravelly voice that uttered this question. The voice was very deep and because of that I couldn’t help but think it sounded a very very dirty thing to be asking on a bus. Two basic scenarios ran through my head. Firstly, a couple was a bit too liberal with how they conducted themselves on public transport. Secondly, it was a nutter hitting on some poor commuter. I hoped it was the former but part of me wanted it to be the latter for my own amusement at the awkwardness.

“Are you a naughty girl?”

There he is again...this man has swallowed gravel and I could only imagine that Ray Winstone was getting pervy in Dublin.

“Tell me! Are you a bad, naughty girl?”

“No daddy.”

WHAT THE F*CK! NO DADDY!?

Ok ok ok...my scenarios were way off. This was no nutter or no inappropriate bus couple. This was a man and his daughter. Dear God...he was talking to his daughter on the bus like that!

“You’re a bad girl.”

“No I’m not daddy.”

Now, if it were a normal voice I would maybe not have paid such attention, but considering this guys voice was made for porn or London based movies about me who kill people with screwdrivers I had to try and get a closer look. Not wanting to discriminate against someone for their voice but this was odd to me as a teenager (oh would that I still were!). I peeked around passengers, accidentally rubbing against the back of a mad who clearly was uncomfortable with this level of closeness on a bus and I brushed the breast of a young woman who was on the verge of shouting rape when I saw him...well the back of him. It was surely a leather clad Nick Cotton from Eastenders. Had it really happened? Had scientists spliced the genes of Ray Winstone and the fictional Nick Cotton together...is that even possible?

“Do you need to be spanked?”

No, no, no, what should I do? Should I press the bus button and shout “paedophile” and try to get people to lynch the man? Should I call the gards? Should I just grab the girl at the next stop and run down the street with her and save her? No, no, no, that would just not work out well at all! There was a monster on the bus and nobody was doing anything! The bus stopped and half the people got out. Nick Winstone remained on with his daughter and I could now see them clearly. She was clearly loving this little back and forth and the dad clearly revelled in it too...phew...all was right in the world again for the teenage Shape who clearly overreacted...again...

The Rose of Tralee, 2011...

2011-08-24T14:06:00.002+01:00

If you're expecting a review...you will be disappointed. I don't watch it but I heard about these two embarrassing moments...and they don't disappoint.

Mark Zuckerberg vs. Tom Anderson...

2011-08-04T11:59:00.000+01:00

It's in the Netherlands...

2011-08-04T11:55:00.001+01:00

You don't say...

Exercise Restaint...

2011-07-04T13:38:00.003+01:00

DIE...

2011-07-04T13:36:00.001+01:00

A happy memory...

2011-07-04T13:34:00.004+01:00

I'm not that old but my father use to have this on an old cassette he would play in the car. He was a salesman and when I was on school holidays he would take me with him around the country and we would sing along to these old songs from the 60's. It's amazing how a little song like this can really make you miss someone...

Obama roasts Trump...

2011-05-05T10:30:00.001+01:00

Not in front of the child!

2011-05-05T10:28:00.000+01:00

Polish that crown...

Oh how the time flies...

2011-05-05T10:13:00.015+01:00

I keep saying to myself...'c'mon Shape...get back to that blog...you were really hitting your stride last year but this year it has all gone to hell...they'll stop reading!' And that's probably true...but I have had good reason to be absent lately. Firstly...and this is good news for a change...I am now an engaged man. I popped the question to Giolacha at Monaincha Abbey in Tipperary where we went on the day we met...aren't I romantic! I did this way back on St. Patrick's Day and waited until we had been to England at Easter to tell my family before I blogged about it. So there you are...nearly two months late...Giolacha will be Giolacha Shape...

Also, I've been away in England which I mentioned above and I have recently moved house and now live in a nice little village outside the city. It's nice to be able to drive up to your doorstep! No more lugging shopping across the city, hurting my fingers and praying that the lifts were working. I will miss the eternal freak show that my balcony looked down upon but that's the price you pay for a quiet life. So, and I've said this before, I hope that I will be blogging again now on a regular basis...if not it's because I got distracted by something shiny...or fluffy...

All because the gentleman loves curry cheese chips...

2011-04-13T12:06:00.000+01:00

I blogged sometime ago about my love affair with garlic cheese chips. I loved them and they loved me. Many a night was spent whispering sweet nothings into a metallic food container. I would get them home...take out the plastic fork and replace it with a metal one (only the best for my garlic cheese chips). Then I would slowly undress them. I would slowly slip the metal container from it's brown bag dress...erotic! Then I would start to fold back the metal corners holding the lid on the chips within. A little bit of the hot melted cheese would squirt out! The chips would be excited...as was I! Slowly I would slide the white lid from the container and expose the chips within...quivering with excitement and glistening in their greasy goodness. At first I would tease the chips...just prodding them with my fork. "You like that don't you," I would whisper. "You like that fork action!" Then the moment of truth would arrive and I would plunge my fork into the chips and bring one to my mouth covered in mayonnaisey goodness...the smell or garlic wafting up my nose. Savouring the taste I would be satisfied! I would ravish them and then long for more!

Sadly this affair has ended. The old excitement started to fade and they no longer did it for me. Just when I thought there was no more hope...no-one to replace them I found a knew lover. I found curry cheese chips. Giolacha introduced them to me one Saturday evening and I have been hooked ever since. Now...this brings me to actual point of this blog post. I wasn't planning to write a partially pornographic description of eating chips...it just happened improvisationally.

On Monday night I was sat in my office longing for a night of passion with some curry cheese chips. I gave into temptation and decided to go to the local chipper and get some. I go into the shop and place my order and then notice that I am not the only customer there. There is a man, around 40, with a sleeveless blue t-shirt and faded, torn jeans. I could smell some sort of cologne on him...l'eau de vodka. I made the mental decision to nor make eye contact with him. That's my blanket rule. Never make eye contact with drunk people...they always want to talk. Feck it! I looked in the mirror on the opposite wall and made eye contact by mistake! Shit...he's going to want to chat...he moves opposite me. "Do ya fancy a chat?" he slurs. Damn...what do I say. Then my brain kicked in and gave an answer I didn't expect. "No, not really." Fair play Mr. Shape! You stood up and told him that you do not want to engage him in conversation...give yourself a slap on the back! Then I realise that this answer has been completely ignored. "I'm 36 years, 4 months and 6 days old." What a strange thing to blurt out...and how strangely specific! "That's specific." I replied...deciding that to engage him in conversation was now the only option. He then asks me a question in his slurred words. "Are you ovjg sghere yfhf ssl?" What the f*ck did he just say? I haven't a clue. I don't want to ask him to repeat it and draw attention to the fact that he is drunk and slurring...I don't want to antagonise this fella! I decided to take the coin toss and go for it. "Yes!" I say. Now, even as that word is leaving my mouth my brain has solved the riddle and worked out what he said. He had asked me, "are you over forty?" Arrrrggghhh...noooo...I'm not. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm clearly not over forty and the expression on his face now clearly indicates that he doesn't believe me. I didn't want to ask why he asked this question of the answer is so obvious because he might start thinking I'm getting smart and I don't want to have a fight in a chipper. He looks at me, steps closer and asks, "are you telling me lies?" Now there is no way I can answer less to this question and admit to lying...he clearly doesn't like lying. I've made my bed and now I must lay in it and stick with my lie. "No, I'm not lying he says." Again he clearly doesn't believe me. He steps closer again and begins to square up to me. 'Oh my God, he's going to kill me...I'm going to die waiting for curry cheese chips...I don't want waiting to for chips to be the last thing I do!" Then the angels smiled upon me and the man behind the counter announced that his snack box was ready. He paid and began to leave. Upon reaching the door he suddenly remembers me and turns back and comes back towards me. My life once again flashes before my eyes (it looked like a library with frequent trips to the toilet) and he asks me for I.D. He actually wants to check what age I am. I explain that I don't carry a passport with me and he leaves gnawing on piece of chicken like he's a hungry cannibal gnawing on a deep fried finger (finger lickin' good). The guy behind the counter gave me a sympathetic look and explained that he's always doing that to people. I got my curry cheese chips, went home, and ate them passionately...

Poltergeist in council house...

2011-03-29T22:34:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

This is very reminiscent of a story that happened here in Ireland last year about a woman and her family who claimed to have been tormented by a poltergeist. Well another story had turned up in England that is very similar and this time is accompanied by video 'evidence'. Well you know me I'm a sucker for ghost story although I don't believe any of them. I'm not doubting that these things sometimes happen but that they are actually ghosts. I tend to think a more rational explanation for something unexplained can be found. It seems logical to me to not believe any story that begins with the words 'I was drunk' or 'I was asleep'. The explanation to those stories is in the opening words. You were either asleep or pissed...that's the explanation. Hoaxes constitute the majority I think. People blow things out of proportion or simply make it up. The rest actually do happen but aren't what they think they are. There is a rational explanation somewhere but the person had just interpreted events as mysterious and supernatural because they can't see the logical explanation. The following video for me falls under the hoax category. I don't know the motive. Maybe the people don't like the house and want the council to move them or maybe they are looking to sell a story for money. Maybe it is simple old fashioned attention seeking. It's a pretty standard 'poltergeist' video. A door opens and chair moves...easily done with invisible wire (also note how you can't see the chair legs...that's where the string is tied I think). The door is also easily done and just needs some string at the bottom or someone hidden inside. Have a look and see what you think.

The joy of arguments 2...

2011-03-26T14:22:00.000Z

"Did you like the post about the arguments?" I said.

"Yes, it was funny," she said.

"Thank you."

"We never had that conversation though."

"Well, we've had conversations like that."

"No we haven't."

"Well, not exactly like that but it's based on the truth."

"When have we had a conversation like that?" I could feel her eyes rolling through the telephone.

"All the time."

"When?"

"I can't remember an exact time but you always take ages to pick a scarf. You do the same with your necklaces."

"I do not"...I was beginning to sense my post about arguments was about to cause an argument.

"Yes you do."

"No I don't and we never have conversations like that."

"It's based on the truth though. Yes it's highly exaggerated but it's based on what really happens."

"No it's based on what you think happens. Have we ever been late?"

"Well no, that's because I have to rush you to make sure we are on time."

"The only time we were late is because you had a 'feeling' about the directions and refused to ask."

"But I did ask."

"Only after we were late."

"We got there didn't we?"

"Yes but late...and not late because of my scarfs."

So we started arguing about time again...and I lost...and I will lose the argument that this post causes. Should I be worried that I lose arguments about fictional arguments? (I still say it was semi-fictional but since I lost the argument I'm not allowed to say that)

The joy of arguments...

2011-03-25T20:58:00.000Z

Like any normal couple Giolacha and I occasionally argue. We don't argue often as we get on very well, but yet we still argue. I always think that couples that don't argue are a little odd and they must be bottling something up and not letting out their frustrations. Now we've never had a huge argument involving shouting, throwing vases and crying that would probably end with me crying in a corner holding my recently severed testicles. I should mention that Giolacha is a dab hand with a sword and an axe...you never want to get on her bad side...or you may find yourself 8 inches shorter. Well, that was a roundabout way of saying that we argue...and generally about the same thing...time. Time is the one issue where we have completely different attitudes. For example, if I need to be somewhere at 10am...I will make sure I am there around 9:45am...plenty of time to spare and allow for complications. After all you never know what might happen. My attitude to time changes on what the occasion is. If I am going to the cinema I like to arrive at least half an hour before the showing, time for getting snacks and time to go to the loo if I need it (which I always do). I have been called anal about time but I assure you my arse is fine! Also, if I am going to go to the shops I get dressed and go and get it done and come back.

Giolacha, on the other hand, has a completely different attitude towards time. Now, we have never been to the cinema (although I will drag her there eventually) but I imagine that my arriving 30 mins early will not be happening any more and I will be left sweating, speeding in the car and weeping my way through the movie that I missed the first 10 minutes of as I sit with no fecking nachos (which is the only reason I actually go to the cinema...oh I love nachos...but that's another story). The worst thing for me is the going to the shops...times when we have no time set! "Shall we go to the shop?" I will ask, "yes, let's get ready and go." I get myself ready, get my coat on and then I'm ready, car keys in hand and ready to go out the door. I turn to see where Giolacha is and realise that she is still contemplating the idea...it has send her into a philosophical quandary about which scarf to wear...to Tesco! "Which scarf should I wear?" she asks. "Do you need one?" I reply. "Well it's cold. Do you like this one?"

"Yes, I like it."

"How about this one?"

"That's nice too."

"This one?"

"I like the first one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

"What about this one?"

"The first one is fine, wear the first one."

"The first one?"

"Yes the first one."

"You like the first one?"

"Yes I like the first one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. Just wear that one."

Now she realises I'm trying to rush her!

"Are you trying to rush me?"

"Nooooo...I just like the first one!" I say all innocently.

"Don't rush me, I hate being rushed, if you rush me I will go slower."

"I'm not rushing you I'm ready and want to go."

"That's rushing."

"I'm just punctual."

"You are not punctual, you are early, there's a difference. Besides, we are going to the shop...we won't be late for that."

"Well I want to get back today!"

"Stop worrying about time!"

"I'm not worrying I just want to get it done and get back so we can enjoy the rest of the day."

"You're rushing me again."

"No I'm not, meet me half way, I won't rush you if you get ready quicker."

"So you like the first scarf?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

So we have agreed to a compromise in the end. I won't rush her and in return she won't be rushed. So now I sit in silence fighting the urge to try and encourage her to get out of the door and try to remain calm at the same time. It's all a balancing act! Delicate stuff! So that's how we argue...I argue...I lose...I try to pretend I've won...but really I lose. And time seems to be behind all the arguments...but that's normal right...we all argue...and I wouldn't change that aspect about her either. It's all part of what makes her the wonderful and amazing person she is.

At last...at last I tells ya!

2011-03-25T14:24:00.001Z

Image via Wikipedia

Finally some sensible, down to earth, normal, grounded, rational people have arrived on this planet in Siberia. A government research centre is being established there to investigate recent sightings of bigfoot, or as it is there the yeti. After many recent sightings, including one man who claimed to have pulled a drowning yeti from a river, a centre of research is to be established that will consult the 30 active scientists searching for bigfoot in Russia today. Hey if David Attenborough believes than that is good enough for me. Needless to say I am thrilled at the news that someone is taking it seriously at last. Finally, the proof will be exposed and my childhood obsession that has morphed into an unhealthy adult fixation will be justified and people will stop laughing at me and calling me sasquatch. Never again will I have to console myself by dressing up as bigfoot in the confines of my bedroom to make myself feel better...in fact that feels right...it just feels like me. Ok...screw it...I'm coming out of the closet...I am a bigfoot trapped in a humans body. I can't hide it any more. My human hairiness is just not enough for me...I need more...I need to be covered in hair and running naked through the forests. The people in my area have been great in accommodating my desires and are used to seeing me running bare-ass in the moonlight chasing a rabbit and climbing trees. I want to feel the breeze rushing through my back hair and caressing the hair of my cheeks. I can only hope the future will offer such medical advances such as species re-assignment. This may come as a shock to Giolacha in particular and I can only hope that she can accommodate a bigfoot as a partner in life...just think of all the little hairy children!

I want to fight your father...

2011-03-25T13:55:00.002Z

I'm going to look like mint ice-cream...

2011-03-25T13:52:00.000Z

I decided some time ago (about a year ago I think) that I would do Today FM's Shave or Dye challenge to raise money for the Irish Cancer Society...oooh maybe a nice red or possibly a purple I thought. So I set up the web-page and sent out the forms and so far I have raised over €500. I'm pretty chuffed with this amount and I'm aiming for €700. It costs €350 for a night nurse for a person near the end of the their life because of cancer. We had 5 nights nursing during the death of my father so providing a couple of nights nursing for someone is a great feeling because I know the value of this service. The guys I play poker with have been generous and gave me a weeks winnings for the charity on the condition that the winner of the game gets to choose the colour. Green with blonde streaks has been chosen for me...a mint ice cream I will be! Thanks guys!

If anyone is feeling kind enough to donate and sponsor me click here.

In other news, my stomach bug came back with a vengeance and saw me spend another night rushing to the toilet every 30 seconds and crying myself to sleep. A quick trip to the doctor confirmed that what I have is Salmonella poisoning...probably from the kebab I shouldn't have eaten. It's also seen me shed half a stone in 4 days...now that's a diet! So I'm off work for a while longer and today I've been watching Nigella Lawson cook pies and thinking of things to blog about...maybe I'll write something worthwhile soon. Maybe I'll have a shave. I haven't shaved in a week and the accumulated growth is now nearly visible to the naked eye!

I've learned the days of the week...

2011-03-23T16:51:00.000Z

I've been reading all week about what is supposed to be the worst music video and song in the world! You've all probably heard about it by now, 'Friday' by Rebecca Black. How bad could it really be, I thought. With the crap we get on TV can it really be that bad. With the X-Factor, Jedward, All-Ireland Talent Show, Eurovision, shite we are fed in the form of suppositories could it really make my eyes bleed and make be stick chopsticks through my ear drums. Well now that I am deaf and typing this on a Braille keyboard I can tell you that even by today's gutter ridden standards it is pretty bad. What I learned from this song is that seemingly in America prepubescent teenagers can drive and hang out with middle aged rappers. They also love the weekend and Friday which according the song comes after Thursday and before Saturday and after Saturday comes Sunday. So not only does it tell us about upper-middle America it tells us about the days of the week and the chronological nature of time. Anyway, no amount of mindless waffle from me can truly prepare you for the awfulness. You have to see it for yourself...

Did you hear that? Oh wait, that's me...

2011-03-23T16:30:00.000Z

Image via Wikipedia

Yes I know...ok I know! I am a very bad blogger. It was pointed out to me that you can see a distinct shift in this blog and can kind of read my personal life through it in the past months. From August last year until October the blog suffered because of my PhD. Then personal problems took over October and November and from November onwards my attention was taken by the wonderful Giolacha. I've occasionally made a cop out post and thrown up a video but essentially it has been suffering a slow and painful death. So rather than be a half blogger I'm going to try and resurrect matters or give up the ghost altogether and put all my attention on the internet into 'The Standing Stone' which has been far less ignored.

So I've picked today to try and resurrect matters since I'm sat on my couch, not at work, off sick. Largely sick through my own fault I fear. It was not a healthy weekend. Chinese on Wednesday, jalapeño burger on Thursday, five course dinner on Friday, Burger King on Saturday followed by a kebab and French toast on Sunday.

Needless to say it took its toll and it all went wrong around the time I through a kebab on top of Burger King. Stupid I may have been I was happy. Don't judge me...we've all been there. So on Sunday evening the stomach cramps started. Monday started ok but I came home early from work feeling awful. I managed to go back in yesterday but then the awfulness began and I began to have the worst thing possible; the is it or isn't it a fart problem! So yesterday evening was spent running back and forth to the toilet and feeling sorry for myself. By this stage I hadn't eaten since Sunday (which was probably for the best and may have helped to undo the damage of the previous days). Then the noises started. On one of my dozens of bathroom trips I thought the pipes behind me were being particularly noises. I then realised that it wasn't the pipes...it was me. It sounded like there was water rushing through me. Noises, oh the unspeakable noises that came from my body. They were coming from everywhere, my back, my front and my side. And let me tell you they were loud! I thought at one point that I had been impregnated by some alien spawn as my stomach moved visible by itself. The only relief I had was to push out as much unholy gas as I could and cover my eyes from what rose into the air.

It was scary stuff! And there was no relief. Then, like a guardian angel, Giolacha came to rescue, "eat some plain boiled rice" she said! So I followed orders (after many hours of dragging my feet on the issue) and ate some plain boiled rice. Let me tell you...it was a miracle cure! My alien foetus fell back to sleep and I was free from discomfort! Sure I had to relieve myself from what built up over night but after that (and some more unholy noises that belong in the book of Revelation) I have been freed from my curse and am returning back to normality!

So that has been my last few days. My self imposed hell! Unholy noises...and rice!

Tom Hanks...funny guy...

2011-03-12T13:36:00.000Z

Thank you White Rabbit for this little gem...

Hello there...

2011-02-28T13:06:00.000Z

Well February was a busy busy month and I'm posting with another cop out post. After a great little holiday with Giolacha in Spain (I will post about that soon) I am back to work for a quiet March. I'm glad to have a quiet month with no travelling abroad involved. I have travelled every month since November and I'm glad to stay put for a while. Anyway...here's a video for you of a song that I can't stop listening to...

It just makes bigfoot all the more possible...

2011-02-07T15:13:00.002Z

For the love of God it won't come off...

2011-01-27T22:10:00.000Z

There are times when you look at yourself in the mirror and you think to yourself, "I am such an eejit." Well I had one of these moments just recently. One evening I was chatting to my girlfriend (aka: Giolacha) on Skype and being my usual charming self. Earlier that day I had found a bottle of nail polish in the bathroom. That's odd, I thought, as Giolacha doesn't paint her nails...she needs nothing to make herself more beautiful (roll your eyes if you want). So I asked her about it and she said she found it under the bed one day. Hmmm...who the hell have I had in my apartment who wears glittery nail varnish? I could only assume that it was left by a previous tenant. That was when I had a brain wave...wouldn't it be funny if I put some on...it would make her laugh. So I took the bottle, marvelling at my own brilliance and wondering why nobody had thought of this before, and got the little brush out. Haha...look at me Giolacha...I'm painting my nails...how funny am I...hahahahahaha. I finished off the thumb when Giolacha said something that made me stop and I could hear alarm bells ringing in my head. "How are you going to get that off?" I shrugged my doubts away and replied, "ah with a bit of soap of water." "Well," she said, "nail varnish doesn't work like that, once it's on there and dried it won't come off unless you have proper nail varnish remover." I looked at my thumb and put the brush down. What had I done? My hands started to tremble as panic began to set in. Visions of people pointing and laughing at my sparkly thumb began to dance in my head. People would make an outcast of me and throw cabbages and tomatoes at me in the street..."THERE HE IS...THERE'S GLITTER THUMB!" "You had better get that off before it dries," she said. I looked back at the bottle and saw two words which chilled me to my very core, 'fast finish'...nooooooooooooooo...I ran to the bathroom. Hot water and soap were applied in generous quantities and it wouldn't budge. I am not stuck with a glitter thumb as I don't want to walk into Boots with my dazzling thumb and ask for the nail varnish remover. The real end to this episode is not how I now have a glitter thumb that I'm hoping Giolacha will kindly save me from, but it that throughout all of my panic and screaming in the bathroom I could hear Giolacha laughing her head off on the computer. I guess I achieved my goal...but not in the way I wanted...

Soup...so much soup...

2011-01-22T11:32:00.000Z

With a fridge full of veg...soup seems like a good idea.

Looks good so far...

And looks a little better now. But now I have so much soup...I'm eating soup twice a day...my freezer is full of soup...I have more veg to use...that means more soup!

Must...finish...the...soup...

A Terrible Beauty is Born...

2011-01-21T11:29:00.000Z

Statue of W.B. Yeats in Sligo town. I took this photo last weekend.

Election Day: March 11th...

2011-01-20T14:52:00.000Z

Image via Wikipedia

Well at last the date has been for March 11th to be the day of the general election. As the country and the government collapses around him Brian Cowen made one last attempt at holding onto power which failed miserably and made him more of a laughing stock than he already was. This means that we will be inevitable getting a Fine Gael and Labour government - two parties that I loath. Now, saying that I loath them doesn't mean I love Fianna Fail - I don't. My vote as always will be going to Sinn Fein. However, as much as I hate Fine Gael I will just be glad of the change in government. Anything will be better surely! Can it really get any worse? Well I suppose having to look at Enda Kenny every day on the news will make me want to strangle myself with my own intestines but I will live. Knowing that Fine Gael will solve nothing and Enda will sit next to Brian Cowen on the wall of bad Taoisigh. This morning I was reading about the first Dail and all the great people who were there and to see what we have evolved into is just shocking. Now...I have no doubt that we will bounce back in time. Ups and downs are normal and expected. Anyway...I'm rambling. Needless to say I'm looking forward to this election and I really hope Fine Gael will come out and surprise me and actually do something.

My favourite album of 2010...

2011-01-20T09:28:00.001Z

Last year I wasted a lot of time reviewing 60 albums from the past decade. What a great idea I thought...blah...all those blog posts and it was all too much really. I think people got bored with it very early on and by the time I got to number 1, nobody was reading any more. Well this year I'm just giving my favourite album of 2010. Lazy blogger? Yes? Well feck you then if you're going to be like that!

Scissor Sisters - Nightwork.

Yes...it's a far cry from my usual tastes but this is what did for me in 2010! I never really stray far away from rock music and classic 1970's rock at that. But two weeks with a borrowed car with only one cd will change that. After two weeks of listening to the preceding album, Ta-Dah, I began to like the Scissor Sisters. I listened to their first outing and began to really like them. Yes, they are commercial and very marketable but I think that underneath all of that they are some fine songwriters. When the new album came out I bought it and gave it a go. It turned out to be the best album, in my opinion, of 2010. It is less commercial that their previous two albums and didn't really spawn a hit single. This felt more like a proper album rather than a collection of songs. It holds together very nicely and is much darker with a more serious side that the other two albums lacked. This is really well worth listening to many times.

If only...

2011-01-19T12:19:00.001Z

Yes, I know I know...I should be blogging about politics, recession or something serious but there's enough people out there doing that so I'm going to blog about a cat! That's right a cat! The cat pictured above is from Boston and called Sal...and Sal has been called for jury duty! Now...mistakes happen. The cat was listed in the pet section of the last census and a human error meant he was listed as human. Well a cat being called for jury duty is funny on its own but when the owners wrote back telling the authorities that Sal was a cat and didn't speak English and requested that the cat be excluded (I love how they had to request that) from duty the request was denied and the cat now has to appear in court! Wow...I just love this so much. I really hope they take him to the court. I really do...I want this story to build. Who knows...maybe the cat will be instrumental in sending a criminal to jail. Well...I know the cat won't really serve on a jury...but I can dream can't I?

Valentine's Day...

2011-01-19T12:05:00.000Z

Image via Wikipedia

This year I find myself in a situation that I never have before. I will be celebrating Valentine's Day. In the past I always looked on this holiday with disdain and frowned upon its blatant commercialism that seeks to drain the wallets of every man in the world. But, hey I was single, I had to make myself feel better about that by belittling the day meant for lovers. Last year I made the mistake of going to Lough Gur for the day to look at the various bits and pieces there. It was a nice Spring day and naturally the place was full of loved up couples taking romantic strolls. I did get some weird looks at I lurked around the lake with my camera, dashing into hedges and over walls and into water to look at some old wall or standing stone. I nearly ruined the day of one poor couple with my antics as well. I climbed up a pretty steep hill, through trees and hedges, to a small cave, allegedly the entrance to Tir na nOg. I looked around the cave and took my pictures and then started the climb down. Well let me tell you that getting up there was not easy but getting down was worse. It had rained the day before so the ground was muddy and the rocks very very slippy. Whack! I busted my knee which started to bleed and I tore a hole in my trousers. Next thing I slipped again and reached out to grab a branch and missed and grabbed a thorn bush, ripping several nasty gashes into my hand. It was dripping blood! Well I got most of the way down and decided to just go for it and leap and jump the rest of the way down. I made the leap, fell and rolled out onto the path at some speed, right at the feet of a young couple, enjoying a romantic stroll next to the lake. Their faces dropped as I emerged, dirty and covered in blood. I picked myself up, said good afternoon and left, they never said a word to me. Thanks for asking if I was ok by the way!

This year I will not suffer the same fate as I find myself as one half of a loved up couple and buying totally into the day I once loathed! What should I do for that day? Well that part was easy...book a table in a nice restaurant...sorted! What should I get for her? Well...this is where I was stumped! What do you get for someone who likes nothing better than sword training, axes and a good medieval ruin? Well...I thought I should buy her a castle! Great idea! Feck it, I forgot I'm not a millionaire! That's that idea foiled! Ok...how about I get her a sword! No no no...that won't do for Valentine's Day...although nothing says I love you more than a weapon of death! Here you are darling...here's something for you to cut my head off with next time I piss you off! Plus I'm not sure where to buy a sword from and again...I'm not rich! Maybe a nice gesture would do? Ok...I will cut off my ear and send it to her! Damn...that's been done before! Be original Shape...be original! Ok...I will get her face tattooed on my arse! Perfect...no no no...my arse is too perfect to be blemished by the ink of a tattooist! Ok...how about her name across my face? No, that won't do at all...people will think that it is my name! Grand...I'll be traditional and buy a present! What though...what could I get! Then the perfect gift slipped into my mind! Yes...yes that will be perfect. After all this build up I'm guessing that you are expecting me to tell you what I'm getting her...well then...this will be an anti-climax because she reads this blog and I couldn't possibly give it away to easily! Needless to say...she will love it!

Self-Immolation...

2011-01-19T11:30:00.000Z

No no no...this isn't going to be a post about Rage Against the Machine. To most people in the teens and twenties this image is probably just an album cover and they probably don't realise that this is a real image of a real person. The person in question is Thich Quang Duc, a Buddhist monk from Vietnam who on June 11, 1963, committed suicide by self-immolation as a protest of the Vietnamese regime of the time. Of course this is very very simplified. Now, this post isn't really about Thich Quang Duc. I just used the image because it is the most famous one. Videos of this event are on youtube and you can watch it if you with. I won't be posting the video here...kind of voyeuristic, no?

Why, you might ask, am I rambling incoherently about self-immolation? Well, this morning I read a news-report about an 18 year old French student who committed this very act. It is felt that he was copying recent self-immolations in North Africa. While it remains to be seen whether or not he had a political motive or was just taking emo too far, it does seem like a gruesome thing to do. But I guess that is the point. When someone does that you pay attention. Opinion tends to be divided on the issue...is it a brave act of self-sacrifice? Or is is a pointless suicide that ultimately achieves nothing? I can see both sides to the argument. While it can bring people's focus onto a particular issue and change people's minds over things it is still one step short of strapping a bomb to yourself...other people do get hurt during self-immolations. People try to stop it and people have been set on fire themselves while trying to stop the act.

Basically...I find this act very disturbing and particularly the act of Thich Quang Duc. Not all immolations are the same but many share something similar to that of Thich Quang Duc. It is not the idea of the pain that disturbs me, nor is it my own fear of being burned to death and neither is it that people stand around and watch it happen. What disturbs me is the calmness of the whole thing. If you choose to watch the video of Thich Quang Duc's immolation watch out for the calmness. He does run around, he doesn't scream, he doesn't do anything. He just sits there, perfectly calm and waits to die. After a few minutes he slumps forward and dies. That I find disturbing. Don't you?

Flying Spiders and Chess...

2011-01-17T17:16:00.000Z

Well last night I had yet another strange dream. I've had odd dreams before as you know. If you don't, here are two weird ones that I have posted about before.

Darwin and the aliens...

The glowing green man...

Well this one meets the first two in terms of weirdness and combines it with another recurring theme on this blog...spiders!

I'm in my apartment and it is a sunny day. I'm sat in the conservatory drinking coffee and doing nothing in particular when I look over to the doorway and see two house spiders stood on the step. They are facing each other and acting very aggressively. I go over to them and find that I haven't got my usual fear of arachnids invading me as I look at them. They are large house spiders and rank among the largest I have seen, about 4 inches across. Although they are acting aggressively they are not actually attacking each other. I look passed them and across the carpet and see a chess board on the floor and the pieces are moving by themselves. The spiders are playing chess and controlling the pieces via their minds. The game moves rapidly and soon enough it is check mate. When the king falls it shatters into pieces and one spider lunges at the other. The curl into a ball and become entangled, rolling around the floor at rapid speed. At this point my fear of spiders begins to return and I begin to realise that I need to get rid of these spiders. I look for something to kill them with and then I realise that although they are still rolling around, they are no longer on the floor but are moving around the air and are floating. They come near me and the ball of spider is getting bigger and closer and I'm running around trying to avoid it but wherever I go this ball is growing and getting nearer to me...

This is when I'm woken up by my girlfriend. Seemingly I have been making a fuss in my sleep...she calms me down and I get back to sleep...

Feckin' spiders...

Scissor Sisters - Any Which Way

2011-01-07T15:17:00.000Z

Happy New Year...

2011-01-01T01:02:00.000Z

First post of a New Year and 2011 feels like it will be good. Thanks to those of you who have read and still read and who have put up with my absence in the latter half of the year! I hope you all have a good 2011 and had a good Christmas and New Year celebration...

Hotels...now Ferries...

2010-12-28T08:38:00.000Z

Hmmm...my relationship with ferries can only be described as one of love/hate. I love ferries because they are not airplanes. Any method of transport that doesn't involve me being shot into the sky at rapid speeds is preferable to me! The ferry is also more comfortable. There are big chairs and sofas and places to walk around and places to move about, unlike the plane where you get less room than a battery chicken! However...there is always the underlying smell of vomit on the ferry. When I go into the bathroom is gets worse and smells somewhat fresher...but it lingers everywhere. This, however, I find puzzling because I can't really remember ever seeing anyone get that sick on the ferry. People get sea sick but most people manage to do it overboard and go directly into the sea (the poor poor dolphins!). More often than not it is children and they can't fill a bag! So where the hell is the smell coming from? Are they storing it somewhere deep in the engine. Is the boat being powered by people's old and stale vomit! Is that why? Do they do it deliberately out of some sort of masochistic sense of spite where they say to each other 'let's make the feckers sick and make the place smell of sick!' The airplane can quickly smell of sick when someone decides to return their lunch to the airline and fill a bag a 20,000 feet. I was once unfortunate enough to be sat in front a woman being very sick on a flight back from France. Dear God the smell was awful! She was a fecking bottomless pit...it just kept on coming. Everyone was throwing sick bags at her. I would have given her mine but I had already ripped the bottom out of it so that I could stick my hand through it to create some kind of crap puppet with which I attempted to act out the plot to Snakes on a Place. Maybe it was my Samuel L. Jackson impression which made her vomit! I just don't know! But I do know that it nearly got me vomiting as I hid in my chair hoping that chunks of carrot weren't about to fly over my seat! However, under normal circumstances the plane is more likely to smell of faeces than vomit!

I write this now about to set sail on a ferry which smells of vomit! We haven't even left yet and I can smell it. I think I'm in for a bumpy ride as they have put out vomit bags on every table which I have never seen them do on any of the many times I have taken this journey. I had better post this before we set sail and I vomit over my keyboard...and I swore I would never do that again!

I know it has been everywhere but feck it, I like it...

2010-12-27T22:28:00.000Z

Hotels rooms...

2010-12-27T20:52:00.000Z

Argh how I have begun to loath the hotel room...

Sterile walls and sterile pictures hanging on the aforementioned walls...

Overly hard beds with tight sheets that require three men to move them!

Crap Nescafe coffee in sachets made with water from the bathroom tap...laced with brown sugar to make it drinkable and lumps of long gone off UHT milk in little cartons that are never quite enough!

Too many pillows...not enough towels...bottles of shampoo made for pixies and toilet roll made out of shark's skin...

Lights usually reserved for kitchens and television signal from the 70's.

Showers with Roman plumbing breakfast from the bin...

Yes...I dislike hotels...and I'm in one yet again...

The Possibilities in 2011...

2010-12-26T17:34:00.000Z

A new year...yes indeed...a new year. I have never really been a fan of new year celebrations. Most years during my teenage years and early 20's I was working on new years eve and day and was more concerned with controlling the urge to kill as many of the general populace before I was gunned down or turned the gun on myself. Luckily I never got past figuring out where I would get the gun from. I considered finding a sword but that just seemed too much damn fun! So I decided the best way to piss off the general public was with a series of condescending looks and gruff one word answers! Anyway...because of this I have lost my love for the holiday where everyone ends one year drunk and begins the next talking to God in the big white telephone! 3...2...1...and nothing has fecking changed...yeah...wooohoooo!!!! Feck it I'm going to bed!

However...this year I find my attitude changing and this is for many reasons. Firstly, I am for the first time in many years entering a new year without the shadow of death hanging over me and my family. It is never easy to lose someone but there is always a sense of relief when things begin to get back to normal and you can get back on with your life. Secondly, work is going well and I'm looking forward to good years work with no negative background distractions! Lastly...and happily...I get to spend a lot of time with my wonderful girlfriend who, needless to say, is the greatest living woman! Yes I know every guy says the same thing about their girlfriend/wife/fiancée/boyfriend/husband/inflatable friend/farmyard animal but in my case it happens to be true (roll your eyes all you want). So...2011 is looking good so far and there is something about the little shift in numbers between 2010 and 2011 that offers a blank slate and the opportunity to begin something new. So I think that this year I will actually make some resolutions!

1. Learn Spanish (so I can talk with my girlfriend's family.

2. Drop a few pounds.

3. Learn to dance like technoviking.

4. Eradicate pepperoni.

5. Prove the existence of bigfoot.
6. Develop a deep and meaningful relationship with a duck.
7. Improve my guitar playing skills.
8. Read more.
9. Spend more time in the fields looking for ruins.
10. Develop an image where I would fit in, in the following photograph.

It's not too much to ask is it?

Happy Christmas all...

2010-12-25T14:46:00.000Z

Have a good Christmas folks. 2011 is going to be a good year...I have a good feeling about it!

More posts hopefully and more positive stuff to say...

Enjoy!

Where does the time go?

2010-12-08T15:56:00.000Z

Wow...I haven't really posted anything substantial in a over a month. I've been aware that I have been neglecting this blog for some months now but I haven't been too motivated to blog about anything because, well it has simply been too personal. I like to keep the blog largely light hearted so I'm not going to list my difficulties for the whole world to see. However, life it slipping into a new normality and I hope to resurrect this blog! Between bereavements, work, conferences and my girlfriend I have had time for little else! But...here are a few pics to fill in some of the gaps of the last few months...

Oweynagat souterrain in Roscommon. A tight fit but I got in there...

The Rock of Cashel.

Hore Abbey near the Rock of Cashel.

Cairns at Carrowkeel in Sligo...tight entrances but you can get in there. Much bigger inside.

Narrow...but manageable.

The Labby Rock, Co. Sligo.

Carrowmore, Sligo.

A Chicago Dog at Chicago airport.

Random people at Chicago.

My feet...but my feet in Chicago.

Looking up at the hotel in Atlanta...

Lunch...

The pool in France...

Random France shots...

YOU!

David Bowie and David Gilmour performing Arnold Layne by Pink Floyd...

2010-12-08T15:10:00.000Z

Techno-Viking...

2010-11-30T16:04:00.002Z

Molly: 1993-2010.

2010-11-09T14:14:00.000Z

The best dog you could ever hope for...

Ireland 5 - Germany 2...

2010-11-07T22:12:00.000Z

Thanks to the National Library of Ireland...

I would have liked to have seen this match...

Addiction is a terrible thing...

2010-11-06T23:34:00.000Z

Yes folks it really is. You may think that you are a strong person who is totally in control of your life and your actions. But this is the thing about addiction - it sneaks up on you. You think you are in control but really your life is spiralling out of control and you find that you have hit rock bottom. I thought I was in control. I thought I couldn't get addicted but I did. It started out simply. I use to look at it with disdain but then, little by little, I began to like the idea and I decided to try it. At first it was just a little whenever the opportunity arose but the amounts grew and grew until I began to seek it out and I couldn't wait for my next fix. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I can finally admit to you know. I am an addict. I have become addicted to the Japanese gameshow from the 80's, Takeshi's Castle!

Yes that's right - that wacky show where Japanese people attempt to do ridiculous, low budget, obstacles and are chased by people in pastel green shell suits and men in facepaint.

You wouldn't want that fella after you would you?

I don't know how my addiction began but now I am getting up early in the morning to get my fix as they show it early on Challenge...maybe it is ladies favourite General Lee who does it for me, I just don't know.

I need help!

I think it is Craig Charles' commentary that does it for me as he manages to supply me with innuendo in the morning. Never will I tire of hearing him say 'if your ring it penetrated then it's all over.' Never will I tire of such games as 'ball cupping' and 'uphill garden.'

Dear God Help Me!

And the award for most embarassing woman in the world goes to...Eva Longoria...

2010-11-05T13:44:00.000Z

Every time I see this I cringe until a little piece of my soul escapes from my body and tries to go to hell which would be better than watching for a second longer!

Apparently she's Latin and has thighs like satin.

I'm Celtic - have thighs like felt-tip...

Paranormal Activity 2...

2010-11-02T10:37:00.000Z

Why do I do it to myself? I should know, after all these years, that I am not good with horror films. Desensitisation has not worked with me and I am still liable to jump at my own shadow. Yet, like most people, I like to be scared. I have always found the less you see in a horror movie, the more scared I will be. So, Paranormal Activity, where you see virtually nothing, is perfect for me. The first film scared me beyond belief and remember not getting much sleep that night! I decided to head to the cinema to see the second film as this has certain advantages. There is a lot of subtlety in both films and you need to pay attention because things happen and attention is not always drawn to it. Something may move an inch or something will move between shots and things will begin to sway on their own. It can all easily be missed. This is actually a part prequel and part sequel so you get to find out what happened after the climactic events of the first movie and find out what happened before and what really kick started all the paranormal activity. The format is somewhat the same with most of the film being viewed from a handheld camera. Added to this film are security camera which allow for more cuts away and more camera angles while maintaining that feeling that you are watching something 'real'. It also helps to eliminate that persistent problem that comes with hand-held camera films in that why would you film yourself and continue to hold a camera while in mortal danger. Another way they get around this problem is to have night vision on the handheld camera so in darkness, when there is no electric light, they have to use the nightvision to be able to see. It also follows the format of the first in that every night time segment is introduced by a title such as 'Night 14, August 16th, 2006.' When you see that title appear you realise that you are in for a fright and every time it happened you could feel the tension rise in the cinema. I admit I jumped a fair amount of times and did one full jump with arms in the air. I resisted the urge to scream and left that to the bunch of teenage girls near the screen.

I would recommend this film, you don't really need to have seen the first to follow it but it does explain certain elements of the first film that would go over your head.

Here is the trailer...

Samhain...the Morrigan Awaits...

2010-10-31T17:19:00.000Z

Image via Wikipedia

I hadn't planned on a big Halloween post this year. I simply didn't have the time today to sit down and prepare anything. Needless to say, have a good evening, whatever you are doing and I hope the Morrigan doesn't get you...she should be emerging right about now but I'm sure Queen Maeve will once again drive her back! As for me, I am settling down to watch the Wolfman with a big plate of nachos...no partying for me tonight as I have a nasty chest infection and the first bit of cold air that touches my lungs sets me off on a half an hour coughing fit during which I cough up something that belongs in Ghostbusters!

So tonight is the night the barriers between worlds disappear for a short time...who knows what might happen out there! The vixens and the crows have been particularly noisy here tonight...or maybe it isn't a vixen and a crow but rather the Banshee and the Morrigan...

Samhain...The Money Shot...

2010-10-30T22:25:00.000+01:00

Samhain...

2010-10-29T14:09:00.000+01:00

Well, this year Samhain will be quite sedate! I had hoped to go to a stone circle with a Samhain alignment to watch the sun-set but I won't be able to make it this year. Instead I will be just staying at home and having a thoroughly un-Samhain time. I decided to carve a pumpkin which will have to do me this year! It is inspired by the pumpkin in the opening credits of 'Halloween'.

With the design drawn on!

I do have some psychopathic tendencies. I enjoyed plunging the knife into the pumpkin.

My eye - my beautiful eyes!

All finished!

I also made marshmallow squares.

Back at last...

2010-10-27T17:19:00.001+01:00

Well it has been a very hectic few weeks and although I have more time on my hands I can't say that things are better really. Unfortunately my father passed away last Tuesday morning after a two year battle with cancer. I have mentioned him a few times on my blog so I thought I would share that with you all. He required a lot of care in his final weeks and days and I'm glad he's no longer suffering. Now, the family is just re-adjusting to life without him. It will take some getting use to but we are slowly getting there.

I will leave it at that for now. I have plenty of stuff to blog about and will get to all that soon.

Time to slip into a new normality!

Lovely Spam, Wonderful Spam...

2010-10-10T08:15:00.000+01:00

Mr Daniel was kind enough to send me this offer...

Hello my good Friend,

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise.I am the bill and exchange manager in bank of africa. I hope that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that i am about torepose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of $5.5million immediately to your account.

Upon receipt of your reply, i will send you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you willhave 40% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to transact the business with me.and also your privet telephone number for more details.

Mr Daniel sanuho.
BILL AND EXCHANGE DEPARTMENT.
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A).
Burkina Faso-West Africa

So very soon I will be a rich man! Who would have thought it would be so easy? You know, you go through life trying to make ends meat, trying to educate yourself for a better future and then some opportunity just lands in your spam folder. I've been wondering what I will spend the money on. Any suggestions?

Obama loves steak...

2010-10-03T09:58:00.000+01:00

Ah Yahoo...sometimes your slow service amuses me...

Serj Tankian - Left of Centre

2010-09-25T21:14:00.000+01:00

For those of you who are not familiar with Serj Tankian, he is the lead singer of System of a Down, and in my opinion, the most talented one in the band. Anywhoo he has released hos second solo album and this is the first single to be released. Enjoy...

It is accomplished...

2010-09-25T21:05:00.000+01:00

What a month! Since getting back from France I have been working every day on my PhD. Morning, afternoon and evening it has been all go but I'm glad to say that it is finally finished, I'm printing it out tomorrow and I'm submitting it to the college on Monday morning and then taking 10 days off! Glad to be finally done with it and will get back to some blogging. I seriously need to update the Standing Stone as well which has only had a couple of updates in the past six weeks. So I've missed a plethora of blogging topics in the past few weeks:

The Papal visit to the UK - What a waste of media time! Didn't Sky News absolutely love that and I was surprised that they seemed to be quite favourable to the Pope. I was expecting them to jump on the anti-Catholic bandwagon and they didn't at all! I don't have a problem with any religion really but do think heads need to roll over the abuse scandal and I only think the church can move forward if they sacrifice a Pope to the issue...it would maybe get some credibility back if they deposed a Pope and put a liberal in charge who would make changes in regard to women, married priests and homosexuality. Now I don't mean a literal sacrifice with a big silver dagger, cardinals chanting 'kill him, kill him' although I'm sure there are some who would like to see this happen.

The Ploughing Championships - I was there about 10 years ago when it was down in Cork. Didn't see any ploughing at it whatsoever! All there seemed to be was stall after stall everywhere selling all sorts of goodies. It was a school trip and a few of us ended up getting into the farmers tents drinking which ended the day nicely. I think some helium balloons provided some entertainment. - a lots of mud and shit. Considering it has been in the midlands past few years I haven't been back and I doubt that I will do because I wasn't a fan. I just don't get it. Plus the steam rally in Stradbally has really put me off to going to any event in a big field...too many people and crap car parking.

Anyway...I'm really ranting and this post has no plan so I apologise for its crapness.

Oh Yeah...

2010-09-17T19:28:00.002+01:00

I Kissed Brian Cowen...

2010-09-14T15:21:00.000+01:00

Found this while trawling the internets...

Preparing for the porn industry...

2010-09-13T07:07:00.000+01:00

WTF?

2010-09-05T14:14:00.001+01:00

Never...never have I seen such a look of terrified confusion on the face of a cat.

From 'Awkward Family Pet Photos'.

Dear God my eye balls hurt...

2010-09-03T16:23:00.000+01:00

I have just spent two and a half hours in the opticians. Those ophthalmic demons kept me there for two and half fecking hours...at lunch time...on a Friday...opposite Anne Summers...on a fecking Friday! Did I mention it's Friday! I went in for a simple eye exam since it has been a few years since my last and was excited to finally get contact lenses...the time was right. I didn't realise it was whole ordeal to get them. I had my exam and was told my eyes are the same and there was no need to get new glasses. What about contacts? Oh well Mr. Shape you will have to book for that for another day. Grand I said and booked for Monday morning. I paid and was about to leave when the woman on the counter said, "We'd be able to fit you in now if you have the time?" Grand so, I stayed. Twenty minutes of waiting later and I'm still sat there regretting my decision to stay and muttering "see me now, me arse" under my breath. There wasn't much to do...no magazines, newspapers or radio. There were two entertainment options. The first was to look across the street and into Anne Summers. Lots of bras and devices to insert into yourself on display. The people going in were the interesting bit. There was a mixture of people with no embarrassment and those who nearly died just approaching the door. You could tell they felt very very dirty. Then there were the people who clearly liked to be seen coming out of the shop and stood outside with their purchases hoping passers by would notice them and realise that they were highly sexed and sexy people. Shame they were all very middle aged and now relied on vibrating devices to get through the layers of flesh that had grown over the genitalia...clearly human hands could no longer do the trick. Then as I watched the second but of entertainment wandered out of Anne Summers and into SpecSavers. He was in his mid-twenties and very ginger and looked as if he was a man who had put on a lot of weight very very quickly because all of his clothes were about three sizes too small. He was wearing very tight and very short shorts and a t shirt and didn't cover his stomach and exposed every contour of his moobs...and fine moobs he had and even finer nipples. He walked in, with his Anne Summers bag (I dread to think what was inside) and sweated over the girl on the counter who helped him pick out some glasses and led him to a desk. I then got a lovely view of his freckled arse crack as he sat down. So now I was torn. Do I continue to look mesmerised by his arse and look like a pervy weirdo or do I look back across the street staring into Anne Summers and look like a pervy weirdo? At first I decided to go back to looking at Anne Summers which seemed much more acceptable and then realised I didn't actually have to look at either. I close my eyes...

Eventually I was called in and went through the whole test again but for contacts which was exactly the same! She whacked contact into my face without so much of a something or other and then told me these weren't actually my prescription. They didn't have them but these would do for the test. She got them in and wiggled them about and took them out again. They I had to go for a learning session where they basically put lenses in and make you sit in front of a mirror and make you try to take them out. The girl who was my 'teacher' was as much use as a cat in a car and after telling me the two ways in which I could try to get them out just watched me struggle. No matter how much I tried I just couldn't get them. I could feel them, wiggle them about and run my fingers all over my eye ball but for the life of me I couldn't get the fecking things out! After 30 mins of this they optician came back and took them out for me. I have to give my aching balls a rest (oh the innuendo) and go back on Monday.

I'm wondering if it's worth the hassle...

Paragraph and spacing issues...

2010-09-03T09:05:00.001+01:00

So recently I have been some problems with paragraph spacing on blogger. When I return to a post after it has been published all paragraph breaks disappear and have to be put back in again. It's not a huge issue but quite frustrating, especially over at The Standing Stone where each post is supposed to have a uniform spacing format. I've posted on the help forums which was about as much use as a chocolate teaspoon! So I'm appealing to you fellow bloggers. Has anyone else had the same problem and does anyone know how to fix it?

GOLIMAR!

2010-08-31T13:42:00.000+01:00

I'm sure most of you have seen this as it appears I have been slow to the uptake on this one. This is Golimar which is an Bollywood rip-off of Thriller. It is one of the funniest things I have seen and its humour comes from the fact that it is trying to be serious but just does not get there. Some of the faces the Indian Michael Jackson pulls off are just fantastic. Have fun watching this...I did...

Bad blogger...very bad blogger...

2010-08-31T13:34:00.002+01:00

I have been a very very naughty blogger and I deserve to be spanked and I will be interviewing spankers soon so send me your CV's. I want someone with at least two years of spanking experience. Nah, I jest...I'm not that big of a pervert yet although there is always time for me to become one. Anyway, back to my point. I have been a very very bad blogger and haven't been posting up much at all and August has been a bit of a blogging washout as it always seems to be. It's the academic month off. I know what you're thinking. Isn't it always the academic months off. Well yes it is but for us PhD people August is the real month off and as you know I promptly went to France for two weeks and have been busy at work since and will be for the next month or six weeks so don't expect much from me in September...I apologise in advance. Apart from that this blog is now two years old and the 'Standing Stone' is now a year old.

Oh and by the way the picture above is of a statue in Bar-sur-Loup in the South of France...for the life of me I can't remember who it is.

The Premier Rap...

2010-08-28T15:44:00.000+01:00

I don't know why but I have been listening to Tipp fm as I work over the past few days. It is kind of relaxing even though I'm not a fan of the station and all they seem to go on about is hurling. Tipperary will face Kilkenny in the final next weekend and this is dominating the agenda at Tipp fm. They keep playing the 'Premier Rap' over and over again...that's right a rap about hurling in Tipperary...who would have thunk it! For your pleasure here it is:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at it!

This ad doesn't scream Dublin to me...

2010-08-27T16:52:00.000+01:00

Does it to you?

George Hook and Sky #2...

2010-08-27T16:27:00.002+01:00

Seriously...?

2010-08-25T18:28:00.000+01:00

Seriously? This crap makes the news now? So a few crashes constitutes a curse. I hope a hotline for concerned people has been set up. I know the idea of the curse in these type of articles is not entirely serious but does the media need to pump out crap about curses (that do not exist) to an already naive public who believe rubbish like 'Most Haunted' and 'Crossing Over with Jedward.' When I'm in charge a 'list of people to slap' will be compiled and the journalists at Yahoo! will be near the top. If you wish to apply to be one of my official slappers, please enquire below...

How to fake abs...

2010-08-23T23:17:00.000+01:00

This tutorial is absolute gold. It really works. I did this for the beach this summer and turned myself from looking like Benny Hill into Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Michael Collins - 16th October 1890 - 22nd August 1922.

2010-08-22T15:32:00.000+01:00

Don't worry I'm not going to go into a big Republican tirade today. I've too much work to do so it can wait until another day. Anyway, I'm just marking the 88th anniversary since Michael Collins' death. He was shot and killed at Beal na mBlath in Co. Cork during an IRA ambush in the civil war. Collins was my childhood hero as I'm sure he was for many people...

Bonjour...

2010-08-18T15:20:00.000+01:00

Well I'm back from holiday in the South of France and boy did I need it. I thought at the beginning of the holiday that I would be annoyed to be coming back but after two weeks I was ready to get back to Ireland and get back to work. I will post up a few pictures later in the week when I get back to Limerick and to a better internet connection. Plus it will take me a day to read all the posts from other people that I have missed.

Glad to be back...

Goodbye my pretties...

2010-08-02T17:49:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Hello my pretties...tomorrow morning I am off on holiday for two weeks! I'm jetting down the South of France for two weeks doing very little apart from eating, drinking, being a tourist and swimming in the pool. Even though I will have internet access I am taking the opportunity to cut myself off for a fortnight and I will not be going online unless aliens invade and I want to see pictures of the devastation. Have fun and all being well I will be back with you and blogging again in two short weeks.

Bye for now...

Re-cut trailers...

2010-07-30T18:42:00.000+01:00

I love re-cut trailers. I'm sure you've seen them but if you haven't there are loads on youtube. Basically they are people who get a film and make a trailer to make the film seem as if it is about something else. I think it is a popular thing in film schools to show how much marketing can be twisted. Here are a few of the best on youtube in my opinion.

1. Mary Poppins.

This one is one of the best. I don't like Mary Poppins but if I saw this trailer I would go and see it.

2. The Shining.

This one is great. How can you make the Shining anything but creepy...this one manages it.

3. Top Gun.

Or should I say Brokeback Gun.

4. The Terminator.

Lovebot...I want one...a female one of course.

5. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Or is that Brokeback...again.

Under Preshah...

2010-07-29T11:28:00.000+01:00

...pushing down on me, pushing down on you, no man asked for...

Do you see what you're doing people?

2010-07-28T14:01:00.002+01:00

They're at it again...

2010-07-28T09:25:00.000+01:00

This video was recently posted onto 'The Modern Antiquarian' which is a good site apart from the bitchy forums and high percentage of neo-druids who, as you know, I'm not fond of. Well the ones on the site are quite mild compared to what was in this vid. Have a look...have you looked yet? Good. Isn't that the biggest pile of crap you have ever seen. What's with the goat like costumes? They look like rejects from the Lord of the Rings extras auditions. I would have found this funny if it wasn't for the burning crosses near the end. Mmm where have I seen this before...that's right, the fecking Ku Klux Klan! I've always found neo-pagans a little annoying but basically funny because they claim to represent a dead religion that we know nothing about and then claim places like Stonehenge as belonging to their druid ancestors even though the druids came about 2000 years later and the one thing we know about them is they stuck to trees...not stone! But if this is what some of them are turning into then I'm a little concerned as it could easily become a vehicle for organisations like the BNP. Luckily, by the look of them, they are still making costumes out of grans old fur coat in their parents garage so I don't think they're really up to much. It's all for show...'oooh look at me, I'm a neo-pagan, look at how enlightened I am and how in-tune I am with my made up mother earth goddess. I have to go now mummy is calling me in for my dinner.'

A Great Big Bushy Beard...

2010-07-26T19:47:00.001+01:00

Poor Grandma...

2010-07-26T17:07:00.004+01:00

Look at this guy go...

2010-07-23T10:04:00.000+01:00

I would love to know the circumstances behind this attack and if the guy was actually being provoked or whether he was just nuts.

Old Man Owns Five Dudes In Station - Watch more Funny Videos

It reminds of the now famous video where some thugs decided to pick on some transvestites who turned out to be cage fighters on a fancy dress night out...the results weren't pretty.

Don't you just love it when idiots get their comeuppance ?

Manley Part...

2010-07-23T09:39:00.000+01:00

I love darts...simple game but very very entertaining and I always watch it when it's on. However, there is the occasional gem when it comes to players names. I remember when I really became aware of darts on TV. It was when John Part was playing Peter Manley and in the bottom of the screen was written 'Manley Part'...dirty feckers...it always makes me laugh when they play. 'Part Manley' doesn't work as well but still amusing.

Tiger Woods...

2010-07-21T13:05:00.000+01:00

Can't he get enough? This man's sexual appetite is insatiable!

Excited...

2010-07-21T11:44:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Being the nerdy and horribly outdated Pink Floyd fan that I am I naturally rushed to buy tickets for Roger Water's upcoming tour of 'The Wall' which is arguably the finest Pink Floyd album (obviously 'Dark Side of the Moon' is a contender for that epithet). I have seen Roger Waters three times already. I saw him on his 'In the Flesh' tour in 2002 and twice on his 'Dark Side of the Moon' tour in Cork in 2006 and Dublin in 2007. All three shows were fantastic and it was great to see the classic 'Dark Side of the Moon' album played live in its entirety. For the Cork gig he was joined by Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason which was particularly special. Pink Floyd had reunited for one show at Live 8 in 2005 and there have been rumours of reunions ever since. These rumours were rekindled earlier in the month when Roger Waters joined David Gilmour on stage for a three song set for a charity gig. Today it has been announced that as a return favour Gilmour will preform at one of Waters' shows on the new tour. I'm booked into the Dublin show and Gilmour will be guest appearing at one of the London shows. However I am hopeful that this could spill over into many appearances on the tour and it is possible that Dublin could be one of these shows. Nick Mason's appearance in 2006 was supposed to be a one off thing in France and then he decided to do a London gig which turned into all the UK gigs and at the last minute Mason decided that Ireland wasn't that far and came to Cork gig. Gilmour is much more stubborn than Mason so the chances are much less but I'm hoping that it will turn into multiple appearances. Who knows it might turn into a reunion if Mason decides to show up as well...

Laocoon and his sons...

2010-07-21T10:38:00.000+01:00

Firstly I must apologise for all the Renaissance themed posts as of late. I've been reading a lot of non-fiction about that period of history and have become mildly obsessed. This, however, should be the last Renaissance post for a good while...thankfully I hear you say. I was browsing through some pictures of the Vatican museums and came across some pictures I had taken of the statue 'Laocoon and his sons' which sits in a little courtyard area.

I particularly like this piece of art, it is both very real and fantastical at the same time. The figures are absolutely perfect and it has been described as the 'ideal of art'. It's influence is amazing and inspired Michaelangelo in many pieces but none more significant than the central figure of Jesus in the 'Last Judgement' on the wall of the Sistine Chapel. Although the influence and artistic importance of this statue was only really felt in the Renaissance this is actually a classical statue that dates to around the first century BC, although it is probably a copy of an earlier Greek bronze statue that is now lost. The subject of the sculpture is the killing of Laocoon and his sons at Troy. Laocoon was a Trojan priest in Greek mythology who warned against bringing the huge wooden horse into the city of Troy. He threw and struck the horse with a spear declaring 'beware of Greeks bearing gifts'. As punishment, the pro-Greek goddess Athena sent two serpents to kill Laocoon and his sons. The statue captures this mythical moment of death. This scene is not portrayed in the either the Homeric epics of the Iliad or Odyssey but is found in the later Roman epic by Virgil, the Aeneid.

This statue was lost until it was unearthed near the former palace of the Emperor Nero in 1506. It was immediately acquired by Pope Julius II who had it placed in the Vatican. The arm of Laocoon was missing and artists debated over how the arm would have been placed. The general consensus was that it would have been outstretched for dramatic effect and a new arm was constructed and attached. However, Michelangelo disagreed. He had a good knowledge of human anatomy and argued, based on the position of the muscles that the arm would have been reaching back and bent at the elbow and not outstretched. He was so adamant of this that he painted the figure of Jesus in the 'Last Judgement' with his arm bent at the elbow and reaching backwards.

Jesus with his arm as Michelangelo felt Laocoon has his arm.

However, in spite of Michelangelo's protests the arm stayed outstretched until 1906 when 400 years after the original discovery of the statue the arm was discovered and it had indeed bent backwards as Michelangelo had said. Several copies have been made of this beautiful statue but none really live up to the original.

The key to success is breasts...

2010-07-20T14:13:00.000+01:00

Recently blogger-in-draft added a new stats feature so that you can see what pages are most visited and where your traffic comes from and all that jazz. By far the most visited page on this blog is a post that I did about 3 months ago entitled 'Naked Women and Computer Games'. This post had at least double the views than anything else and is far out passing some of the oldest posts on this site. Seemingly the obsession with porn on the internet is benefiting me and throwing readers my way. Teenage boys are flocking here in the vague and desperate hope that they might see some boobs. Clearly this is the key to blogging success. From now on I will be mentioned nudity and boobs in my blog titles and blog posts even if they are completely off topic. I'm hoping that this will spill over into success in real life. I'm booked into the hospital have breast implants put in and I'm having a giant nipple installed on the roof of my car. Clearly this is the way forward people...breast success. Now clearly this post will become one of my most popular since I've mentioned breasts about thirty times so for those of you who reached here because you typed 'tits' into Google I don't want you to be disappointed, here are some boobs.

Enjoy and don't forget the tissues...

Girolamo Savonarola 1452-1498...

2010-07-20T13:24:00.003+01:00

Earlier this year I read a book about the Medici family who were arguably one of the most powerful families of all time. They controlled Florence during the golden age of the Renaissance and had a big hand in the building of the Duomo which is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful buildings to have ever been constructed. They also were frequent patrons of artists such as Botticelli and Donatello. Michelangelo and daVinci also lived at the Medici palace in Florence for a time. Pope Innocent VIII and Clement VII were both part of the Medici family. Little got in their way...except Girolamo Savonarola. Self described as a 'lowly little friar' Savonarola was a Dominican friar who was born in Ferrara and in 1490 was dispatched to Florence. He was a charismatic style preacher who believed that the world was nearing the end of days and that the church was inherently corrupt and was in need reform. He believed the papacy to be invalid and the clergy caught in the lap of luxury. He wanted to see the church return to a life of poverty in the service of the poor and in the pursuit of righteousness. In Florence the Medici embodied everything for Savonarola that was wrong with the church and the world. He aimed to see them gone and wanted Florence to become a city of God.

Savonarola gained a lot of popularity among the merchant classes and lower upper classes and eventually the Medici fell, due in a large part to the feelings against them he had whipped up. Florence returned to its republican background and Savonarola wielded a lot of influence even though he was nothing more than a regular friar. He organised large groups of young men to go around Florence and knock on the doors of the rich and ask them to hand over their 'vanities'. (art work, clothes, jewellery, book etc...) These 'vanities' were then collected into massive bonfires and burned in the squares of Florence. This was the infamous 'bonfire of the vanities'. Botticelli was a follower of Savonarola and was said to have thrown his own paintings on these fires. As his support grew and his condemnation of the Vatican increased so did his opposition which was spearheaded by the church. Pope Alexander VI was one of the most decadent Popes and he did not like what Savonarola had to say. He repeatedly asked for Savonarola to be handed over to Rome but Florence resisted and Savonarola refused to go knowing that he would be killed. His main opposition came from the upper classes who sought power for themselves and did not like power sharing with the merchant classes. Florence was also heading into an economic downturn and this was in part blamed on Savonarola which saw his popularity wane. During the height of his popularity nobody dared speak against him in public but now his supporters became much more public and his supporters were attacked in public. The city became divided over the issue. Half wanted to keep him in Florence and half wanted to see him gone for good and sent to Rome for an inevitable execution. Savonarola had claimed he was sent by God and this made the Vatican look worse to the believing public than it already did because God was seemingly speaking through a friar in Florence and not through the Vatican and through the Pope. This was a precarious situation for the Vatican which could result in a schism. The Pope gave Florence an ultimatum. Hand over Savonarola or face a city wide excommunication. The stalemate went on for some time and finally came to a head in April 1498 when a Franciscan friar of Santa Croce in Florence challenged any follower of Savonarola to a ordeal by fire. This was a pretty dangerous affair where a huge bonfire would be built with only a two foot passage in the middle of it. Two opposing people would enter the bonfire and if one of them emerged from the other side then a miracle was declared to have happened and this was seen as proof of God's favour. This put Savonarola between a rock and a hard place as if he refused then he would be seen as a fraud and if he accepted and his chosen represented died then God would not be seen as favouring him. He had no choice but to accept and hope for the best.

Each side chose their representative to walk through the fire and the bonfire was built. It was, however, a trap set up by the anti-Savonarolan Florentine government (Florentine governments only sat in office for two months so they had a limited window in which to get rid of him - pro-Savonarola governments had been in office for many years but this government represented a shift in opinion). They had no intention of letting the event go ahead and cancelled it at the last minute. The public saw this as proof that Savonarola was a fraud and believed that if God supported him then He wouldn't have let the event be cancelled. That night the Dominican priory of San Marco was sieged and Savonarola was arrested. He then faced two trials, one from the Florentine government and from a Vatican delegation. He was tortured extensively through the drop and jerk method. The hands were tied behind the back and then Savonarola was lifted up from a rope tied around his hands which would put extreme pressure on the shoulders. Then he would have been dropped from some height and stopped suddenly before hitting the floor. This method often resulted in shoulder dislocation as it did with Savonarola. Under this pressure Savonarola confessed to every charge brought against him including heresy and that he never spoke to God and his ultimate aim was to become Pope himself. Before he was sentenced he retracted his confession saying he only gave it under duress...something which most historians believe to be true. Some doubt if he actually confessed at all. At the time all trials were recorded and copies made and excellent records from this period survive to this day. The face that he faced two trials mean that there would have been two copies of each trial at least but all of them were lost almost immediately. Basically they were going to ensure his death no matter what. The trial was a complete sham and the church won out and Savonarola was burned at the stake along with two followers on the 23rd May 1498. His ashes were scattered in the river Arno.

The execution of Savonarola.

I find Savonarola a fascinating character and I do have an admiration for him. I have no religious beliefs but I admire his devotion to his cause which even he knew would eventually kill him. I do think if he had lived he would be credited with the reformation and not Luther. It would have been a different form of reformation I'm sure but a reformation nonetheless. The fact that his defeat of the most powerful family in Florence was just the beginning gives credit to the force of his character.I recently finished an excellent biography of Savonarola by Lauro Martines called 'Scourge and Fire'. An excellent read if you like the Renaissance.

Charlie No-Face...

2010-07-20T13:21:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

While searching for an image for my last post about my dream of the glowing green man I came across the following sad but interesting story about a man named Raymond Robinson from Pittsburgh. When Raymond Robinson was eight years old in 1918 he and his friends wanted to see inside a birds nest that was on the overhead wires of a railway line. Raymond decided to climb up and see and touched a live wire and was horribly burned. He was expected to die but stunned doctors by recovering but he was left badly burned and scarred and lost his eyes, nose, the hearing in one ear and he lost an arm. Sometime in his 20's he started walking the roads around his family home at night-time when nobody would see him. Naturally people did occasionally run into him and he became a local legend and was nick-named 'Charlie No-Face' and the 'green-man' as it was legend that his face glowed green. Eventually people started searching for him on his night-walks at weekends he was rarely left alone. In spite of this he kept going for his walks until late in his life. He died in 1985 aged 74. Even though he was a real person many believe him to be fictional because of all the myths that grew up around him such as his glowing skin. It also became a myth that he was actually a ghost who haunted the roads and tunnels in Pennsylvania. The ghost could apparently disable cars with the electricity that still ran through it and leave them in darkness inside tunnels.

This is a pretty horrible story really but he does seem to have lived a long and fairly happy life with his family.

The glowing green man...

2010-07-20T12:04:00.000+01:00

I was reminded yesterday about a recurring dream I had as a child, in fact I use to get a few. In one I was riding a motorbike down a tunnel towards a bright light and when I emerged at the end I would be in a game show competing against bigfoot. It was imperative that I won but I never knew what the consequences were if I lost. It's an odd dream I know but I had it many times. However, the dream I remembered yesterday was much more sinister and I have no idea where my brain came up with such an idea...in the dream...

"...it is dark and everybody is asleep but me. I leave my bedroom and go downstairs to use the bathroom. On the way back I stop to look out into the darkness of the night and stood across the road on the grass bank and under the street light is a glowing green man. I cannot see any clothes or any bodily features. There is no face, no hands and no feet, just the glowing shape of a man who is shining bright green and giving off more light than the street lamp and he gives everything a luminous green glow. He doesn't move at all but is facing the window and seems to be staring at me. I don't know how I know this but he is staring directly at me. I am terrified of him and yet know that he wants me to go with him somewhere far away. I don't know where. Even though I'm scared I still have a desire to find out..."

That is where the dream ends with me staring at the glowing green man. It's quite bizarre and I'm not one for dream interpretation but I can't help wonder why I would have repeatedly dreamed this as a child and I wonder where it came from...

Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, 1571-1610.

2010-07-19T14:31:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was the 400th anniversary of the death of late Renaissance/ early Baroque artist, Caravaggio. To commemorate his death many museums that are lucky enough to hold a Caravaggio piece stayed open all night to allow visitors ample time to take in his wonderful work. The National Gallery in Dublin has a Caravaggio, and a very nice one at that, but chose not to remain open. Even if they weren't expecting a huge crowd to warrant this they could have done a bit more to mark the occasion.

'The Taking of Christ', 1602, is now housed in the National Gallery in Dublin.

Caravaggio was only 39 when he died and spent most of his life on the run. He was born in Milan in 1571 and studied in the school of Titian. However, shortly after his apprenticeship finished he fled his home area because he had attacked a policeman. Even at this early stage he was known for his violent temper. He spent many years in Rome during which he was much in demand but in 1606 he was exiled. after committing a murder. He fled to Naples where he enjoyed more success but yet again he got into trouble and seriously wounded a knight and fled to Sicily. After nine months he returned to Naples seeking pardon and in 1610 on the way to receive this pardon he died. It was reported that he died of fever, but no body was ever found and reports are sketchy. Many have surmised that his enemies finally caught up with him.

Because of his violent reputation and his series of run ins with the law his reputation was marred and it is only in more modern times that he is being recognised as the true master he was. He was a pioneer in the artistic movement that led to Baroque and if he live a full life who knows where his art would have taken him. I often think that he was maybe born 100 years too late and if he had been a contemporary of daVinci and Michelangelo then maybe his genius would have been more recognised. Unfortunately he was born into a period when the Renaissance was well and truly dying and the golden age had passed.

Perhaps it's just coincidence or perhaps it's clever timing but there have been two important Caravaggio related discoveries in the past weeks. Firstly in a church in Tuscany, near where he was reported to have died human remains have been found which are reported to be the remains of Caravaggio himself. The bones came from an unmarked grave from among 200 others so I'm a little confused as they know the bones to be Caravaggio's. All I can assume is that there was a written source for the location of his body that was found. Tests carried out on the bones confirmed that the remains were of a man who died at roughly 40 years of age around 1610 and died of sunstroke and syphilis. This is consistent with the sources for his death and would seem to refute the assassination claims. The other discovery was yesterday on the anniversary of his death. The Vatican reported that they have discovered a lost Caravaggio painting in their archives. Analysis is being carried out to make sure that it is by Caravaggio. I reckon the Vatican have been sitting on this one for a while and waiting for the anniversary.

I have been lucky enough to see a few Caravaggio painting when I have been in Italy, as well as the one housed in Dublin. The below do not give justice to the quality and depth of the work. The dark backgrounds make the paintings all the more real for me. Caravaggio ranks high among my favourite artists. I have not seen all the following but hopefully one day I would have seen them all.

'Judith Beheading Holofemes', 1598-99.

'Amor Vincit Omnia', 1601-02.

'David with the Head of Goliath', 1609-10. The head of Goliath is a self-portrait.

'The Entombment of Christ', 1602-1603. I saw this in the Vatican Museums.

'Bacchus', 1595. I saw this in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence as part of the Caravaggio room. Well worth a visit of you are ever there.

Also in this Uffizi. This is 'Medusa' and was painted in 1597. This is one of his better works but is one mf my favourites. I find it almost disturbing in the way it is painted.

July 19th...

2010-07-19T12:29:00.003+01:00

Why wasn't this a hit?

2010-07-16T12:08:00.000+01:00

I love this song even though I'm not a big fan of 'The Miracle' album. The squealing guitar always makes my spine tingle...